Movie review:*
The newest James Bond (007) film was just that a true film, not some popcorn flick. I have seen every Bond movie to date and this is by far the best. Most 007 movie have video game like violence that results in video game death which equals many lives and a massive regenerative ability. However, Skyfall only had one scene that I count with such goofy death and non-death.
The story was great. Taking us deep into the past of Bond and giving us a little taste of what made him who he is. The first 10 to 20 minutes are so full of action and chippy dialogue that you will find yourself immersed in the world and unaware of your true surroundings. The next act ( I see this movie as a 4 act not the typical 3 act) shows us a Bond we have never seen, down on his luck and just a drunk. It was great! I did not see it coming. The dialogue was well written in a dark comedic tone. The M agency also has a few unfriendly encounters during this part and rolling into act 3. M herself is under fire for basically being old and using an old approach to today's computer world. Guess she still plays pong.
The villain shows up during the middle acts, he is the best one since Goldeneye. A ex spy turned bad guy because he was wronged. I know, its an old and often used background for any action movie villain. It works well in this one due to the things he and Bond have in common.
The final act is just like the first, non stop action with dry witted humor peppered in between gun shots. As always Bond prevails and saves the day, but we do suffer a loss this time. A dear friend is killed and a new one is born. I should say 2 old friends because the car 007 drives is destroyed and it was the one from the original 007 days. This is one movie you need to catch on the big screen. I saw it in IMAX and it was a grand experience.
As for the song, I hear it is a lock for an Oscar nomination, I hated it. Then again the only Bond song I ever liked was by Duran Duran ( A View to a Kill). I might have dropped a spoiler or 2 but they are minor.
* I did this for fun. I saw the movie at The Grand 18 in Winston Salem and Kim White took me. I did not pay so maybe I am a true movie critic. LOL
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Dr. Feelgood
Sorry for the delay..again.... We had the flu. Reagan had it the worst. The bad symptoms only lasted about 48 hours. Her temp topped at 104.5. I was in her bedroom listening to her lungs at 11 pm and checking the temp. I was able to not wake her. That is the child RRT in me. I can finally say this, I am old enough now, they don't make flu virus' like they used to. My guess is this years flu is a flu from the past decade or so. Kids seem to be getting over it faster and adults that get it are having mild cases. My case was mild, the aches were the worst I've ever had but the rest, pretty tame. I think the aches were because of my disease. It rained damage upon my arthritis.
We managed not to spread the virus. I was so afraid the Benedicts' would get it from us. So far they have not and I pray it stays that way. It hasn't stopped Melinda from toying with my emotions. She keeps making comments on facebook that scare me and told me they all were sick and I was dead to her last night. This is unfair. I am in a fragile state, and she is exploiting it. I guess she needs to read the boy who cried wolf.
Saturday we attended a parenting seminar with Ken and Melinda at their church. It was informative and full of many things that made me go hmmm. It was part sales pitch for a Sunday school lesson titled Orange. I think that was it, Orange may have been the company making the lesson. Many of the parts associated with this lesson we already use in our homeschool curriculum. Thumbs up to us! They also stated a fact that I find awesome and I did not know. If you only allow the church to teach your child about the Lord, you get 40 hours a year. That is it, 40 hours. So as parents we must pick up were church leaves off and extend the lessons. This can be hard on even the most devote christian. We use a daily devotional for children in the morning and read from her children's bible at night. We pray before meals and bed. I also try and gather the family and pray occasionally during the day. I wish I did it more often but it is hard for me start this habit. I never experienced this growing up. Nightly prayers as a kid yes, the rest no. Breaking the chains and starting anew. I learned that from the resolution for men. A book written by 2 pastors who are dads with young kids. They are the 2 behind such movies as Fire Proof and Courageous. It was a great read, not an easy one. It forces you to look at your life and duties as a father. I encourage all readers to get this book. They have it for men and women. My wife has a hard copy for women. I am sure will loan it out. My copy is an e-book. I have no idea how to share an e-book. It was $12 last year, I am sure it is cheaper this year. Ken, I challenge you to read this book. I read it alone, it is written to be used as a group study. I found it easier to do alone. My weaknesses were exposed and I prefer those kept between my loved ones and not just church group members, thats man style. Amelia did hers in a small group at church. We did it at the same time and talked between ourselves. I found that insight useful.
We managed not to spread the virus. I was so afraid the Benedicts' would get it from us. So far they have not and I pray it stays that way. It hasn't stopped Melinda from toying with my emotions. She keeps making comments on facebook that scare me and told me they all were sick and I was dead to her last night. This is unfair. I am in a fragile state, and she is exploiting it. I guess she needs to read the boy who cried wolf.
Saturday we attended a parenting seminar with Ken and Melinda at their church. It was informative and full of many things that made me go hmmm. It was part sales pitch for a Sunday school lesson titled Orange. I think that was it, Orange may have been the company making the lesson. Many of the parts associated with this lesson we already use in our homeschool curriculum. Thumbs up to us! They also stated a fact that I find awesome and I did not know. If you only allow the church to teach your child about the Lord, you get 40 hours a year. That is it, 40 hours. So as parents we must pick up were church leaves off and extend the lessons. This can be hard on even the most devote christian. We use a daily devotional for children in the morning and read from her children's bible at night. We pray before meals and bed. I also try and gather the family and pray occasionally during the day. I wish I did it more often but it is hard for me start this habit. I never experienced this growing up. Nightly prayers as a kid yes, the rest no. Breaking the chains and starting anew. I learned that from the resolution for men. A book written by 2 pastors who are dads with young kids. They are the 2 behind such movies as Fire Proof and Courageous. It was a great read, not an easy one. It forces you to look at your life and duties as a father. I encourage all readers to get this book. They have it for men and women. My wife has a hard copy for women. I am sure will loan it out. My copy is an e-book. I have no idea how to share an e-book. It was $12 last year, I am sure it is cheaper this year. Ken, I challenge you to read this book. I read it alone, it is written to be used as a group study. I found it easier to do alone. My weaknesses were exposed and I prefer those kept between my loved ones and not just church group members, thats man style. Amelia did hers in a small group at church. We did it at the same time and talked between ourselves. I found that insight useful.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Santa Claus is coming to town
I am sorry for the long delay since my last post. Nothing cool or neat has happened and I am still working on some blog ideas in my head. Plus, I am working on a book plot.
Question, do any parents who read this wrap Santa presents? I did not get wrapped presents from Santa. Amelia, she got wrapped presents from the old white bearded man. I lost this discussion for Reagan's first Christmas with true Santa gifts. Wrapping them it was, except the big stuff that cannot be wrapped like the little train we got her that year. Year 2 I believe it was. So a few minutes ago I began the Santa wrapping process. Oh man do I blow! I thought I was bad years ago, but with the arthritis and knots on my joints, now I am all thumbs. I also wrapped the wife's gifts. So now my hands hurt and now after typing they are cramped. The life of a cripple.
My friend Kim from my LCH crew came up here to the sticks to visit. She took me to the movies. We saw the new 007 movie. It was in IMAX. I want an IMAX screen in my house. The screen is the size of a house. Well, the side of one. That was the best Bond I have ever seen and I have seen them all.
It was great seeing an old friend. I do not get to see many of my work friends often, from any hospital. I miss my friends, I miss the conversations that only a group of respiratory therapist can have with a few nurses peppered in. I relate with Kim well. We are within 1 month of the same age and have exact same amount of RT experience. I hate I am not there to help her with her new job title. I hate I am not there to take the 2nd lead position opposite of her. We were always a good team and still are, we still talk shop. We both surprise each other from time to time with some odd respiratory fact. Good times!
Enjoy the shopping malls folks. I use Amazon. Until next time....
Question, do any parents who read this wrap Santa presents? I did not get wrapped presents from Santa. Amelia, she got wrapped presents from the old white bearded man. I lost this discussion for Reagan's first Christmas with true Santa gifts. Wrapping them it was, except the big stuff that cannot be wrapped like the little train we got her that year. Year 2 I believe it was. So a few minutes ago I began the Santa wrapping process. Oh man do I blow! I thought I was bad years ago, but with the arthritis and knots on my joints, now I am all thumbs. I also wrapped the wife's gifts. So now my hands hurt and now after typing they are cramped. The life of a cripple.
My friend Kim from my LCH crew came up here to the sticks to visit. She took me to the movies. We saw the new 007 movie. It was in IMAX. I want an IMAX screen in my house. The screen is the size of a house. Well, the side of one. That was the best Bond I have ever seen and I have seen them all.
It was great seeing an old friend. I do not get to see many of my work friends often, from any hospital. I miss my friends, I miss the conversations that only a group of respiratory therapist can have with a few nurses peppered in. I relate with Kim well. We are within 1 month of the same age and have exact same amount of RT experience. I hate I am not there to help her with her new job title. I hate I am not there to take the 2nd lead position opposite of her. We were always a good team and still are, we still talk shop. We both surprise each other from time to time with some odd respiratory fact. Good times!
Enjoy the shopping malls folks. I use Amazon. Until next time....
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Song of the South*
I was talking with my friend Ken about how people from Maryland feel about being in the south, or at least classified as it? He says many do not see it that way. Most think of the south as redneck fools. Picture Deliverance and Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel, that's the way we are portrayed on TV and in lots of peoples minds. He grew up in Baltimore, it is a large city but I am unsure of its size next to Charlotte,Atlanta,Miami,or Raleigh. I am not hating on Baltimore or saying my friend had these views. Most northerners do not realize Baltimore, Philly, New York, Boston are as near as Raleigh,Charlotte,Columbia,Atlanta. They no longer rule the US. In fact most Presidential candidates spend more money in the south than most places. 4 of our states are battlegrounds in elections.
The north is portrayed as rude,disrespectful, and money hungry. I know a few yanks, they are not like that. Some are just like some southerners, dumb rednecks. Dumb red necks exist the world over. The largest groups do not like to admit the other side is similar. Makes them feel weak.
I have no real point to this blog. Just that people still view the US as segments as if it were 1892. Yes we have north,south,east,west, mid west,mid Atlantic, northeast,southeast. That is alot. With today and the way people move for jobs so quickly I am not sure any true division can stand. In Brooklyn you have a neighbor from Tennessee. In NC you have a neighbor from New jersey ( he may still call us hillbillies but at least we are not from Jersey). The list goes on and on.
Leviticus 19:18 "'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
* I will now name each blog after a song. Song titles sum up certain things so easily and earlier blogs I said if you cannot top it borrow it. If you know the artist of said song or want to comment all you need is a gmail account.
The north is portrayed as rude,disrespectful, and money hungry. I know a few yanks, they are not like that. Some are just like some southerners, dumb rednecks. Dumb red necks exist the world over. The largest groups do not like to admit the other side is similar. Makes them feel weak.
I have no real point to this blog. Just that people still view the US as segments as if it were 1892. Yes we have north,south,east,west, mid west,mid Atlantic, northeast,southeast. That is alot. With today and the way people move for jobs so quickly I am not sure any true division can stand. In Brooklyn you have a neighbor from Tennessee. In NC you have a neighbor from New jersey ( he may still call us hillbillies but at least we are not from Jersey). The list goes on and on.
Leviticus 19:18 "'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
* I will now name each blog after a song. Song titles sum up certain things so easily and earlier blogs I said if you cannot top it borrow it. If you know the artist of said song or want to comment all you need is a gmail account.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Ain't no rest for the wicked
This holiday has taken the life out of me. I am bushed, beaten,tired,sore,mentally finished. Thanksgiving day gave me a return to my mom's side of the family for the holiday. It was good but tiring. I had little questions about the disease which was great. I just limped in ate, joked, and left. Except one little issue-- my loving dad had me removed from the church prayer list. I do not attend this church but some of my family does and if the graveyard rose up all the sudden my family tree would break. Oh and they would go and eat my dad for his wicked ways. He and his sister (imagine me saying that word like Darth Vader in RTOJ) basically accosted the pastor on the phone to have me removed. He did it to end a losing fight on his part. I was then put in a the pickle of are prayers good from this church or are they wishing me ill will. The good won and I called the preacher and had myself returned to the prayer list and Luke Skywalker wins again. Wait....wait...sorry for the nerd moment. Ain't no rest for the wicked, until they close they eyes for good. Morbid but true.
The wife's side featured less stress but more questions. It was okay, I expected it. But when I say inflammation process and chronic protein elevation, plus chronic central retinal vein occlusion they look at me like.... huh, take an aspirin. Maybe not that bad but that is how I feel. I try and spill it in human terms(not medical lingo) for them. It helps some. If I told them protein is the basis of life next to water and too much is bad, they may get it. If I say it helps digestion and I have too much so I have chronic digestive issues. They may get it. If I say protein has fat with it and it can clog veins and other blood flow they may get it. ( Hey hey that is the eye stuff guys) If I say extra protein in the body can build up in organs and cause cancers and stuff. They may get it. If I say the inflammation caused these knots on my knuckles and stiffness in my hips,knees,spine,toes,neck,shoulders,elbows. They may get it. If I say I walk with a cane and always will because of this inflammation. They may get it. I if pull down my pants and show them the oozing sore on my thigh caused by inflammation that does not heal. They may get. If I say get on my left side and try and hit me. They do it. I do not stop them because I cannot see them at all. They may get it.
I did not do that. That would be rude, mean, and cruel. I did however tell them some of that stuff, the less gross stuff. The facial impressions changed from that is it to you poor bastard. I also ran into a person who I knew was having a hard time with life in general. I had spoken with them a week ago or so, my open letter to the depressed was for them. (It was not a suicide note like my poor mother thought. ) I expected a moment of us to talk about it in person, maybe hug it out, cry a bit. You know get that emotional stuff you need to get moving back in the right course of life. This did not happen. No talk happened. No nothing folks. I was hurt by it but I will continue to be if needed. They know my phone number, google chat name, facebook page, blog profile, email..... get the point. I am here. Ain't no rest for the benevolent until we close our eyes for good.
Below is the song/video(yes they still make music videos,I just do not know here they are played) that inspired this post.
The wife's side featured less stress but more questions. It was okay, I expected it. But when I say inflammation process and chronic protein elevation, plus chronic central retinal vein occlusion they look at me like.... huh, take an aspirin. Maybe not that bad but that is how I feel. I try and spill it in human terms(not medical lingo) for them. It helps some. If I told them protein is the basis of life next to water and too much is bad, they may get it. If I say it helps digestion and I have too much so I have chronic digestive issues. They may get it. If I say protein has fat with it and it can clog veins and other blood flow they may get it. ( Hey hey that is the eye stuff guys) If I say extra protein in the body can build up in organs and cause cancers and stuff. They may get it. If I say the inflammation caused these knots on my knuckles and stiffness in my hips,knees,spine,toes,neck,shoulders,elbows. They may get it. If I say I walk with a cane and always will because of this inflammation. They may get it. I if pull down my pants and show them the oozing sore on my thigh caused by inflammation that does not heal. They may get. If I say get on my left side and try and hit me. They do it. I do not stop them because I cannot see them at all. They may get it.
I did not do that. That would be rude, mean, and cruel. I did however tell them some of that stuff, the less gross stuff. The facial impressions changed from that is it to you poor bastard. I also ran into a person who I knew was having a hard time with life in general. I had spoken with them a week ago or so, my open letter to the depressed was for them. (It was not a suicide note like my poor mother thought. ) I expected a moment of us to talk about it in person, maybe hug it out, cry a bit. You know get that emotional stuff you need to get moving back in the right course of life. This did not happen. No talk happened. No nothing folks. I was hurt by it but I will continue to be if needed. They know my phone number, google chat name, facebook page, blog profile, email..... get the point. I am here. Ain't no rest for the benevolent until we close our eyes for good.
Below is the song/video(yes they still make music videos,I just do not know here they are played) that inspired this post.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Thanks
Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I ate until I felt sickly. As for today I think of thankful things. My friends that have stood by me through this disease process. Ken and his family have been damned near family since last year. My LCH friends, Jamie and Kim took the lead so I had PTO before I became disabled. Also, took up gift cards for us so we had Christmas cheer last year. Kal, David, Laura, and Donna my posse from WFUBMC IMC prayed and visited me. My wife, sissy, and mom took alot of junk from me this past year and I will be for ever grateful. They helped me feed myself,walk,raise my child,and spiritually guide me. The In-laws helped with some of those as well, no slight to them but also no need to retype same sentence. I am also Thankful my brain is working a touch better and I am able to come up with topics to spill out on here for your reading pleasure. I am currently cooking up about 3 topics right now. Keep an eye the next couple weeks for those. Enjoy the weekend and your family and friends this awesome holiday weekend. Happy Festivus for the rest of us!
Monday, November 19, 2012
SISTER
What is a sister? To most it is an open and shut case. A female sibling born of same parents as you. I had that, not for long. My sister was born March 1985. She died April 1985. I was a young thing but it is my first memory. I am sad to this day about it. What could have been and should have been. One day God will tell me why He took her way too soon and why my maternal family has been made to suffer through this autoimmune disease junk. This death basically ruined my family. It threw both my parents into a deep depression that I am certain they still fight to this day. It also had a great factor in the destruction of the marriage some 15 years later. They fought and bickered the next 15 years after the death. I think its because they reminded each other of what had happened and they hurt. They hurt for many reasons, from what I can calculate, the 2 did not help the other cope with the loss. I am not sure my father has even coped to this day. His dad had died just the previous October. This bickering has made me paranoid. They fought like cats and dogs but I never knew, well knew the extent. I was 19 when the divorce came. I turned into a drunk with no direction. How I found my way is another blog. =) I find myself looking funny at my wife when she talks in hushed tones with people. Same thing when she reads stuff on the computer or phone and makes hmm sounds. I'm afraid she is holding back on me. She has in the past, mainly about my disease. She doesn't want to burden me with more pressure and worry. That is noble but just causes me more worry. I'm a weirdo. All this can be traced back to my sister and her untimely passing.
In November 1985 my other sister was born. I did not know her or her family but she was here. I met her in 2002 or so. I do not believe in reincarnation or that hippy stuff but perhaps some of my real sister resides with Rachel. Maybe I just want to think that because it makes me feel better. I treat Rachel like my real sister. I am protective and mean to her. That is what big brothers do! I once chased her around the apartment with a dead goldfish. Ahh good times! I also offered to go and beat some dude into oblivion for her. Big brother stuff, you dig. My mother know Rachel and so does my father. My mother sees and knows of my feeling toward Rachel. Good old dad, who knows, who cares? Rachel by definition is my sister in law. It may have been that way for a little bit before I married Amelia. It did not last. Amelia says Rachel is her best friend and worst enemy. Most siblings feel that way. So Rachel was thrust unto me and I adopted her as my sis. She has lived with us many times and many years. I hated it and loved it. Sibling love is weird. You want to say we are just sister and brother or in-laws and toss them out. Then you look at the hurt they suffer and want to heal it or at least give them a band aide. Would Jackie be anything like Rachel? Who knows? God knows, but no one else. Maybe one day my mom and I will know. Maybe Jackie will say I have helped Rachel be close to you because I know you needed it. This is the first time I have shed a tear will blogging. I leave you with 2 bible verses. Love and kindness, Ben
Proverbs 7:4 - Say unto wisdom, Thou [art] my sister; and call understanding [thy] kinswoman:
1 Timothy 5:8 - But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel
In November 1985 my other sister was born. I did not know her or her family but she was here. I met her in 2002 or so. I do not believe in reincarnation or that hippy stuff but perhaps some of my real sister resides with Rachel. Maybe I just want to think that because it makes me feel better. I treat Rachel like my real sister. I am protective and mean to her. That is what big brothers do! I once chased her around the apartment with a dead goldfish. Ahh good times! I also offered to go and beat some dude into oblivion for her. Big brother stuff, you dig. My mother know Rachel and so does my father. My mother sees and knows of my feeling toward Rachel. Good old dad, who knows, who cares? Rachel by definition is my sister in law. It may have been that way for a little bit before I married Amelia. It did not last. Amelia says Rachel is her best friend and worst enemy. Most siblings feel that way. So Rachel was thrust unto me and I adopted her as my sis. She has lived with us many times and many years. I hated it and loved it. Sibling love is weird. You want to say we are just sister and brother or in-laws and toss them out. Then you look at the hurt they suffer and want to heal it or at least give them a band aide. Would Jackie be anything like Rachel? Who knows? God knows, but no one else. Maybe one day my mom and I will know. Maybe Jackie will say I have helped Rachel be close to you because I know you needed it. This is the first time I have shed a tear will blogging. I leave you with 2 bible verses. Love and kindness, Ben
Proverbs 7:4 - Say unto wisdom, Thou [art] my sister; and call understanding [thy] kinswoman:
1 Timothy 5:8 - But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel
Saturday, November 17, 2012
GEN X and what not
So what is a Gen x or Gen y? First off Gen means generation. Now that I am done with definitions, here it goes. Many will argue that my dates are wrong, some will say right on. I find Gen x is from 1965 to 1976 to as late as 1982. Gen Y overlaps as well, 1977 to 1995/2001.* Generations are not clear cut, I say its due to the country we live in. Some people experience new technology and advancements before other therefore tossing them into a new segment of the population.
Generation X - raised by the career and money conscious Boomers amidst the societal disappointment over governmental authority and the Viet Nam war and the scoff-law attitudes coming out of the protest times; school problems about drugs; late to marry (after cohabitation) and quick to divorce...many single parents; are iconographic...clothes lables are large & shows of caring (turning out for a worthy-cause rally) are fully sufficient expressions (while government, charities, agencies will see to the work of it); want what they want and want it now but struggling to buy; conversationally shallow because relating consists of shared time watching video movies; short on loyalty & wary of commitment; all values are relative...must tolerate all peoples; self-absorbed and suspicious of all organization; computer generation; survivors as individuals; cautious; skeptical, unimpressed with authority, self-reliant. **
I would say that's me. I totally agree Gen x end at 1982 and gen Y starts at 1983. I born in 1981 and my wife in 1983, we have great differences and similarities. She however does not fit the mold of a true Gen x person. I have always hated and rebelled at authority. Not because I was cool but because I saw the rules as dumb and just an excuse to keep the youth down. We were flaming youth and our power was our age! Now we are old, broke down, and parents. Times change.
Generation Y - Facebook, MySpace, SMS and other instant communication technologies may explain Generation Y's reputation for being peer oriented and for seeking instant gratification. Generation Y, like other generations, is shaped by the events, leaders, developments and trends of its time. Members of this generation are facing higher costs for higher education than previous generations.**
I had no idea about most of this social media stuff until I met Amelia. AOL instant messenger was the first, Myspace was next, now Facebook is the king of all media. Sorry Howard Stern, Gen X figure head, you have been placed in the dinosaur category. I see parts of both X and Y in people born from 1976 to 1985. Chances are its because of family. Brothers or sister imposing their views upon the others. Life does that. same with sex education. People with older siblings have a higher fundamental grasp of sex at an earlier age than only children. I found that out from my old friend Charles. I knew nothing and during kindergarten nap time we had sex education lessons. He had 2 older brothers, one was a teen at that time.
I see X as the rules stink, give me a job, give me that new toy, give me my way type of people. It has to do with our parents, the baby boomers part 2 (1955-1965)**. That is the way we all were raised to some extent. The Y folks had parents with a slightly higher grasp on reality. Less pot smoking I'd say. They however, turned into computer geeks. now computer geeks rule the world. I say Gen Y wins. Us Gen Xer's need one more good revolute to retake the world. Wait.... We have no music to phase this revolute to, Kurt is dead and alternative has turned into Linkin park and some rap rock garbage. Screw it. Lets just watch TV.
Below are the * and **, citations. Also, if you do not understand a segment I write sorry. I write like I talk most of the time. It is like I am preaching in a comical form.
*http://theechoboom.com/2010/09/dateage-range-of-baby-boomers-generation-x-and-generation-y/
**http://askville.amazon.com/cut-birth-dates-generations-baby-boomers-gen-Gen-generation/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=9298486
Generation X - raised by the career and money conscious Boomers amidst the societal disappointment over governmental authority and the Viet Nam war and the scoff-law attitudes coming out of the protest times; school problems about drugs; late to marry (after cohabitation) and quick to divorce...many single parents; are iconographic...clothes lables are large & shows of caring (turning out for a worthy-cause rally) are fully sufficient expressions (while government, charities, agencies will see to the work of it); want what they want and want it now but struggling to buy; conversationally shallow because relating consists of shared time watching video movies; short on loyalty & wary of commitment; all values are relative...must tolerate all peoples; self-absorbed and suspicious of all organization; computer generation; survivors as individuals; cautious; skeptical, unimpressed with authority, self-reliant. **
I would say that's me. I totally agree Gen x end at 1982 and gen Y starts at 1983. I born in 1981 and my wife in 1983, we have great differences and similarities. She however does not fit the mold of a true Gen x person. I have always hated and rebelled at authority. Not because I was cool but because I saw the rules as dumb and just an excuse to keep the youth down. We were flaming youth and our power was our age! Now we are old, broke down, and parents. Times change.
Generation Y - Facebook, MySpace, SMS and other instant communication technologies may explain Generation Y's reputation for being peer oriented and for seeking instant gratification. Generation Y, like other generations, is shaped by the events, leaders, developments and trends of its time. Members of this generation are facing higher costs for higher education than previous generations.**
I had no idea about most of this social media stuff until I met Amelia. AOL instant messenger was the first, Myspace was next, now Facebook is the king of all media. Sorry Howard Stern, Gen X figure head, you have been placed in the dinosaur category. I see parts of both X and Y in people born from 1976 to 1985. Chances are its because of family. Brothers or sister imposing their views upon the others. Life does that. same with sex education. People with older siblings have a higher fundamental grasp of sex at an earlier age than only children. I found that out from my old friend Charles. I knew nothing and during kindergarten nap time we had sex education lessons. He had 2 older brothers, one was a teen at that time.
I see X as the rules stink, give me a job, give me that new toy, give me my way type of people. It has to do with our parents, the baby boomers part 2 (1955-1965)**. That is the way we all were raised to some extent. The Y folks had parents with a slightly higher grasp on reality. Less pot smoking I'd say. They however, turned into computer geeks. now computer geeks rule the world. I say Gen Y wins. Us Gen Xer's need one more good revolute to retake the world. Wait.... We have no music to phase this revolute to, Kurt is dead and alternative has turned into Linkin park and some rap rock garbage. Screw it. Lets just watch TV.
Below are the * and **, citations. Also, if you do not understand a segment I write sorry. I write like I talk most of the time. It is like I am preaching in a comical form.
*http://theechoboom.com/2010/09/dateage-range-of-baby-boomers-generation-x-and-generation-y/
**http://askville.amazon.com/cut-birth-dates-generations-baby-boomers-gen-Gen-generation/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=9298486
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Open letter to the depressed
“Some friends don't understand this. They don't understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you're wonderful just the way you are. They don't understand that I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would.”
― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation
Sometimes start and end with a good quote. It gets to the point better than some rambling story of yours. Life and depression seem to go along so well these days. Why are people prone to this "blue" feeling. Melancholy sucks! It is good for writing songs and maybe poems but for just LIVIN it sucks! I have had and am battling depression.
Do you think of me the times I'm thinking of you? When it rains, is this for me? Questions of humanity or emotional thoughts can go on and on. A never ending story of doubt and deep thought. I will now share a mental conversation I have had with myself on more than one occasion.
"You pansy! Just be done with it. Do something. You have out lived your usefulness. They will miss you when you're gone." I have had this in my brain more than once in my near 31 years. " Don't do it. Think of your wife and child. You have never allowed anyone to beat you, so don't let being depressed win!" I always have that spin through shortly after the first part.
I have met people from all walks of life and all have these issues. All deal with them differently. Many see doctors and get treated with medication. Medication is good. Others find a certain "thing" to use as a safety blanket. They pull it out when they feel depression sneaking up on them. They never really conquer the disease but find a way to push it away. Sports and religion are the 2 I have seen the most. They dive into them head first, you would think they were a preacher or head coach. It works and that is all that matters.
Finding what works for you is the key. You know the saying idle hands are the devils plaything, well an idle mind can be the same thing. Sitting around in the dark, crying, listening to Nirvana and watching Scar kill Mufasa on repeat is not the best option. Dwelling on your inner demons is not a good choice either. Feeling old because you just stay home now with little social friends may bring you down. It could be an upside, remember as you grow as a person so do friends. Many times you grow apart and its time to move on and find new avenues of friendship. Maybe you want to be a social butterfly but it is not in the hands God gave you. Perhaps a bible study for people your age is the key. These things are often posted in many places and even on social media. Finding a club or group activity is easy, YOU just have to make yourself do it. " I work full time. I only go to work with this cloud on my head and come home and cry. No time for other stuff." Okay, you are now a commercial my friend. Time management is the key to healthy living. To me, time management is the key to life. That was the main thing I taught my students, if you properly account for things you will always have time for lunch. In a hospital lunch is very important, many reading this did not know that.
As a last resort, using work as the key to beating depression is understandable. Pour yourself into it, do it all. Volunteer for any group, be the one to stay late, yes boss I will get all that info for you. Go getter is the term I think. I only went go getter to get a raise or a promotion. Thats me not you. School is a great option. LEARNING, that will get you far. If you cannot beat something, learn about it. After that it is beatable. To truly understand anything you most see both sides of it. The good and bad, light and dark. Become THE student, master your subjects. If TV is a passion and it makes you happy become a master of trivia. Keep the mind active. That is a key.
You see, beating or overcoming depression requires drive and the urge to do it. Asking for help is step one, ask anyone. Brother,sister,pastor,therapist,mom,dad anyone you think important enough to help you. Step 2 is generally fighting it. I mainly talked about the fighting aspects. Recovery from this disease happens but relapses happen too. Meds help those. Your activity helps those. Talking helps those. Bottling
up the bad shit in life and allowing it poison you leads you down the wrong path. See it coming and go visit a confidant. Get it out before it spreads. You know like caddyshack 2. YOU MAY NOT GET THAT REFERENCE.
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousands reasons to smile."
Unknown
DEDICATED TO ANYONE DEPRESSED WHO NEEDS A REASON TO SAY, SCREW THIS!
― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation
Sometimes start and end with a good quote. It gets to the point better than some rambling story of yours. Life and depression seem to go along so well these days. Why are people prone to this "blue" feeling. Melancholy sucks! It is good for writing songs and maybe poems but for just LIVIN it sucks! I have had and am battling depression.
Do you think of me the times I'm thinking of you? When it rains, is this for me? Questions of humanity or emotional thoughts can go on and on. A never ending story of doubt and deep thought. I will now share a mental conversation I have had with myself on more than one occasion.
"You pansy! Just be done with it. Do something. You have out lived your usefulness. They will miss you when you're gone." I have had this in my brain more than once in my near 31 years. " Don't do it. Think of your wife and child. You have never allowed anyone to beat you, so don't let being depressed win!" I always have that spin through shortly after the first part.
I have met people from all walks of life and all have these issues. All deal with them differently. Many see doctors and get treated with medication. Medication is good. Others find a certain "thing" to use as a safety blanket. They pull it out when they feel depression sneaking up on them. They never really conquer the disease but find a way to push it away. Sports and religion are the 2 I have seen the most. They dive into them head first, you would think they were a preacher or head coach. It works and that is all that matters.
Finding what works for you is the key. You know the saying idle hands are the devils plaything, well an idle mind can be the same thing. Sitting around in the dark, crying, listening to Nirvana and watching Scar kill Mufasa on repeat is not the best option. Dwelling on your inner demons is not a good choice either. Feeling old because you just stay home now with little social friends may bring you down. It could be an upside, remember as you grow as a person so do friends. Many times you grow apart and its time to move on and find new avenues of friendship. Maybe you want to be a social butterfly but it is not in the hands God gave you. Perhaps a bible study for people your age is the key. These things are often posted in many places and even on social media. Finding a club or group activity is easy, YOU just have to make yourself do it. " I work full time. I only go to work with this cloud on my head and come home and cry. No time for other stuff." Okay, you are now a commercial my friend. Time management is the key to healthy living. To me, time management is the key to life. That was the main thing I taught my students, if you properly account for things you will always have time for lunch. In a hospital lunch is very important, many reading this did not know that.
As a last resort, using work as the key to beating depression is understandable. Pour yourself into it, do it all. Volunteer for any group, be the one to stay late, yes boss I will get all that info for you. Go getter is the term I think. I only went go getter to get a raise or a promotion. Thats me not you. School is a great option. LEARNING, that will get you far. If you cannot beat something, learn about it. After that it is beatable. To truly understand anything you most see both sides of it. The good and bad, light and dark. Become THE student, master your subjects. If TV is a passion and it makes you happy become a master of trivia. Keep the mind active. That is a key.
You see, beating or overcoming depression requires drive and the urge to do it. Asking for help is step one, ask anyone. Brother,sister,pastor,therapist,mom,dad anyone you think important enough to help you. Step 2 is generally fighting it. I mainly talked about the fighting aspects. Recovery from this disease happens but relapses happen too. Meds help those. Your activity helps those. Talking helps those. Bottling
up the bad shit in life and allowing it poison you leads you down the wrong path. See it coming and go visit a confidant. Get it out before it spreads. You know like caddyshack 2. YOU MAY NOT GET THAT REFERENCE.
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life you have a thousands reasons to smile."
Unknown
DEDICATED TO ANYONE DEPRESSED WHO NEEDS A REASON TO SAY, SCREW THIS!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Election day 2012
Oh in what a time we live. Today we vote. Many "vote" but WE vote. Many places in this world do not have a real voice in the process of naming a leader. Many say we here are being placated in our election process. Maybe we are, I tend to think we are not. I try to stay politically aware. I hope to teach my child the proper way to learn and think. Staying the in know politic wise is part of our American duty. Some say join the Army, full fill your duty to your country. I say being aware and staying alive politically is your duty. Yesterday I was in bad shape. My left eye has been bothering me significantly. I was having a hard time standing and walking yesterday. I was afraid I would not be able to get to the polls. My father took my wheelchair away because he does not care about me and my disability. A does of corticosteroids and some of the symptoms back off enough for me to be mobile enough to do my civic duty. My daughter was with me, as well as my wife, she sorta got it thanks to Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. By the next one she will understand. I remember the 1992 election well, I hope she remembers the 2016 election just the same.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Stuff.... Friends, who are they? Are you changing?
If you met anyone you call a friend for the first time today, would you still say we are friends? Friendships roll like the tide. High times and low times the best stay strong, like a well built pier. Some on the other fade or slowly fall apart. Generally brought on by one or the other changing in some way. My disease has cost me many material things but it has shown me what true friends are and what they do. My father once told me friends to a man cause trouble, stay away be a loner. I did this mainly my entire life. As I grew older, got married my views changed and my relationship with dear old dad bottomed out. However, I started seeing people (both sexes) in friendly terms. When I really bring you into my family and friend become like family I hold you to a higher standard. For many folks in my inner circle it has worked fine. Some just cannot handle it. Do I love to hard? I love my friends, I love my family, I love with it all. In 9 out of 10 times I will do anything I can to help a friend. The 1 time will be the time my family is in great need.
Yesterday I lost someone I considered to be a great if not best friend. I guess my standards were to great. My fault? Maybe it was. Perhaps it was a bit of both. He is in deep and over extended. I understand and wanted to help but he did not want it. Fine. I needed something from him, he could not give the time. Even when I and my family thought I was on deaths door he was aloof. Time was ticking on the friendship. It ended, because of this blog. I started this for a few reason. To help others, express my thoughts, and to keep my friends up to date on me and my condition. I got very tired of texting and reciting the same version of me over and over. Now I write it, post the link, and it makes it easier for all.
The friend I lost, I do not think I would befriend him today if we just met. The pier broke. The tide washed away a lot this time. It was a fond time in my life but my life has changed and so has his. It happens and it's cool. It will hurt for a bit and then fade away like a beautiful sunset or a melting snow. The age/generation gap was wide, early 30's and early to mid 20's are 2 different times of life. I look around and that is the only person in my circle that I without a doubt would not approach in a friendship matter. I have changed as a man. People change and grow, I know I have. Have you?
Yesterday I lost someone I considered to be a great if not best friend. I guess my standards were to great. My fault? Maybe it was. Perhaps it was a bit of both. He is in deep and over extended. I understand and wanted to help but he did not want it. Fine. I needed something from him, he could not give the time. Even when I and my family thought I was on deaths door he was aloof. Time was ticking on the friendship. It ended, because of this blog. I started this for a few reason. To help others, express my thoughts, and to keep my friends up to date on me and my condition. I got very tired of texting and reciting the same version of me over and over. Now I write it, post the link, and it makes it easier for all.
The friend I lost, I do not think I would befriend him today if we just met. The pier broke. The tide washed away a lot this time. It was a fond time in my life but my life has changed and so has his. It happens and it's cool. It will hurt for a bit and then fade away like a beautiful sunset or a melting snow. The age/generation gap was wide, early 30's and early to mid 20's are 2 different times of life. I look around and that is the only person in my circle that I without a doubt would not approach in a friendship matter. I have changed as a man. People change and grow, I know I have. Have you?
Monday, October 29, 2012
Things I have learned and going with Black and Gold for Wake Forest
You know that feeling you get after your first hard workout in a long time? Not the rush but the feeling the next day or 8 hours after, the aches, maybe a little fever, headaches, sometimes even nausea. After that hard exercise protein builds up to repair the the body. It goes away in time and you resume normal life. Not me. The protein in my body is high so I feel that way always just worse. Talking about a pain level of 7-10 depending on the day.Thats me everyday. So now I know why I feel this way, the scary part is what this build up of protein can do to the body over time. The one that gets me is the protein can settle into any organ. This causes enlargement of said organ, examples liver,spleen,heart, or just veins and arteries. The organ invasion can set off a whole list of body functions that can result in cancers and leukemia's . I do not want those! The excess CSF protein can cause increased pressure in my brain. For you non medical people thats bad. It can also cause meningitis. Thats a not want as well. A few posts ago I talked about my eye. Chances are the protein caused that. This increase can clog up veins and arteries and then they rupture and I go blind again or worse depending on the vein or artery. Alzheimer's and Parkinson's are possible as time ticks.
This high protein level is also in cahoots with inflammation in my body. My nerve biopsy showed inflamed nerve fibers and blood vessels. So this can lead to RA or other inflammatory diseases. Mixed connective tissue disorder, which my mom has, is one. It kind of gives of highlights of all the autoimmune disorders. Lupus is also on the table. The SLE version not the skin version. In fact that might just be the leader of the pack of what can happen to Ben list.
Freaked out yet friends? Huh, are ya? I am! My MD at Mayo said, don't chase it. It will declare itself one day or maybe this is it. Only time will tell. Live your life try and get some enjoyment back. Use what you need to be a person, pills, cane, rest but try and live. This is gonna be hard but I will try, one day it may say hey I am now Parkinson's disease . Then I will have wished I would have fought through the pain to go outside and watch Reagan play.
Amazing what the chains that hold the body together can do when chronically high. We all have protein and it comes in many forms albumin and other good stuff. I say to you all stop now and tell your body, "Hey be normal! Causes Snitches get stitches! And so do inflamed bodies" Later!
This high protein level is also in cahoots with inflammation in my body. My nerve biopsy showed inflamed nerve fibers and blood vessels. So this can lead to RA or other inflammatory diseases. Mixed connective tissue disorder, which my mom has, is one. It kind of gives of highlights of all the autoimmune disorders. Lupus is also on the table. The SLE version not the skin version. In fact that might just be the leader of the pack of what can happen to Ben list.
Freaked out yet friends? Huh, are ya? I am! My MD at Mayo said, don't chase it. It will declare itself one day or maybe this is it. Only time will tell. Live your life try and get some enjoyment back. Use what you need to be a person, pills, cane, rest but try and live. This is gonna be hard but I will try, one day it may say hey I am now Parkinson's disease . Then I will have wished I would have fought through the pain to go outside and watch Reagan play.
Amazing what the chains that hold the body together can do when chronically high. We all have protein and it comes in many forms albumin and other good stuff. I say to you all stop now and tell your body, "Hey be normal! Causes Snitches get stitches! And so do inflamed bodies" Later!
Friday, October 26, 2012
Day 3 and 4
Day 3- at 6am I was scheduled for a MRI. A thunder storm knocked out power to all but 1 scanner. So delay was the name of the game. So as the thunder passed cold pushed in and I mean cold! From 60 to 33 by the end of my day. AFter the MRI I had a LP at a different hospital campus. So a 10 minute bus ride and time for a stabbing to my spine. That is done and back on the bus back to Mayo main for sensory test. I was burned and frozen on the foot and leg. I failed. 97% of people have better feeling/sense of heat and cold to the lower limbs than me.Next, a visual field test. I stare at a light and click a button any time I see a light flash. I generally fail this as well, my perphial vision blows. AHH! DONE! Then out into the cold and back to hotel. I am bushed,beat,whipped,etc......
Day 4- Starts with MD return visit at 810. He runs 30 minutes behind and I get no TRUE diagnosis. I do get this, I have too much protein in my body. Blood and CSF, this leads to the joint pain and eye junk. The protein can build up in veins, arteries, and joints. All 3 blow and I live in pain. Also, inflammation is a constant. It shows in my eye, showed in my nerve biopsy and now in my csf. This inflammation can be a precussor to autoimmune disease. I basically have it just without a real name. So in summation, autoimmune diseases without a name. The inflammation and high protein are signs of this. The disease has not entirely showed its ugly face. It may never, I may stay right where I am until I die. Then again it may roll into a mixed connecive tissue disorder type thing. Oddly enough the inflammation and protein live in my connective tissue. So, I head home Sunday with many more puzzle pieces but it is still not finished.
Day 4- Starts with MD return visit at 810. He runs 30 minutes behind and I get no TRUE diagnosis. I do get this, I have too much protein in my body. Blood and CSF, this leads to the joint pain and eye junk. The protein can build up in veins, arteries, and joints. All 3 blow and I live in pain. Also, inflammation is a constant. It shows in my eye, showed in my nerve biopsy and now in my csf. This inflammation can be a precussor to autoimmune disease. I basically have it just without a real name. So in summation, autoimmune diseases without a name. The inflammation and high protein are signs of this. The disease has not entirely showed its ugly face. It may never, I may stay right where I am until I die. Then again it may roll into a mixed connecive tissue disorder type thing. Oddly enough the inflammation and protein live in my connective tissue. So, I head home Sunday with many more puzzle pieces but it is still not finished.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
MAYO Day 2
Today was a brain buster. I was ringed out today. I started with a neuro-opthamologist who told me things NO doctor has ever told me. She looked pics of my eye from 2006 and told us stuff no other medical professional has even thought to say. After that and looking at my eye she thinks for sure its an inflammatory process. Also, my blood protein is running high and certain RBC and WBC markers are out of wack. This can be a sign of MLL. That is a type of leukemia. That floored me! I also had a MRI of brain today, a new non FDA approved MRI. The scan looked different from my older scans. I also had some odd sweat and heart test. It was for small nerve fiber neuropathies. I cannot describe it today my brain is WAY too maxed. Maybe tomorrow or the weekend I can give a summation.
I mentioned an EEG yesterday, that is when I am shocked in certain spots and measured to see the nerve response. It also has a needle portion. The needle is inserted into my muscles at many different spots and I have to relax or flex the muscle. That was done on left side from my foot to my upper back. The back needle was painful. I may end up staying next week for residual test and a hematology(blood doctor) consult.
On a fun note, this city reminds of Racoon City from Resident Evil. It all revolves around the Mayo Clinic as opposed to Umbrella and no zombies just sickly people.
I mentioned an EEG yesterday, that is when I am shocked in certain spots and measured to see the nerve response. It also has a needle portion. The needle is inserted into my muscles at many different spots and I have to relax or flex the muscle. That was done on left side from my foot to my upper back. The back needle was painful. I may end up staying next week for residual test and a hematology(blood doctor) consult.
On a fun note, this city reminds of Racoon City from Resident Evil. It all revolves around the Mayo Clinic as opposed to Umbrella and no zombies just sickly people.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Day 1
Well, this place is not home. Western NC is far far away, being this near to Canada is strange. Today I saw a world renowned doctor, DR. Dyck. He did my exam with his Fellow Dr something . I never did undrstand his name. The accent up here is very diferent, but I have met at least 5 people that have lived in Nc at some point. I had another emg test today and blood draws. Tomorrow I have some tests I have never had or even heard of, the fun starts at 8 am. Not surprising to me, MS has showed its face again. I see the Mayo MS doctor later this week. If its MS..... well... I'll be vindicated.
This hospital is AMAZING! It is a smooth straight line machine. Not to mention it holds like 2000+ beds. The hospital has great architecture and everyone is so helpful. They all speak like the people in the film Fargo. There are more than just the Mayo Clinic. The system is many hospitals all connected by subways and skywalks, but under the banner of Mayo. After the first appointment you get a list of your schedule and depending upon your disease process and doctor type it can take a week to 2 weeks. OKay, until tomorrow.
This hospital is AMAZING! It is a smooth straight line machine. Not to mention it holds like 2000+ beds. The hospital has great architecture and everyone is so helpful. They all speak like the people in the film Fargo. There are more than just the Mayo Clinic. The system is many hospitals all connected by subways and skywalks, but under the banner of Mayo. After the first appointment you get a list of your schedule and depending upon your disease process and doctor type it can take a week to 2 weeks. OKay, until tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Touching base
Next week it all starts. Monday I head out to the Mayo Clinic in COLD Minnesota. I intend to blog each night and give updates on what has occurred. This week I am just taking it easy and trying to rest up for my medical marathon. For those of you who do not know, I will give a brief synopsis of disease now!
Last July I developed a pain in my lower back. It continued to get worse, nothing helped. By the time I went to the doctor my legs were numb and my feet felt dead. At first a herniated disk seemed to be the answer. Well, a mri later and no! Pain got worse and so did I. My legs began to shake uncontrollably and my ability to walk diminished greatly. I needed help doing anything upright. Then it happened, severe pain. I mean crying pain. I could no longer get up or down unassisted. My shaking was non stop, myoclonic jerks became full body. I was admitted to the hospital overnight, they had no idea what was wrong. They suggested Duke or wait it out. Well, Duke was never my top 5 choice for a diagnostic facility. As I stated in a post some time back Mayo was always my top go to and I should have done it way back in 2006. So, I waxed and waned. Saw many doctors of many disciplines. Many tests later, I had elevated protein in my CSF and lymphocytes in places they did not belong. That result came from a muscle and nerve biopsy. My blood work started trending, wbc and rbc inconsistencies. The disease continues to flare off and on, I was even in a wheelchair for a week or 2. My newest symptoms are sores on my body that ooze/bleed and do not heal. Giant knots on my finger joints and worsening eye issues.
So there it is a very brief run down of the past year of my life as sick man. More to come folks.... stay tuned.
Last July I developed a pain in my lower back. It continued to get worse, nothing helped. By the time I went to the doctor my legs were numb and my feet felt dead. At first a herniated disk seemed to be the answer. Well, a mri later and no! Pain got worse and so did I. My legs began to shake uncontrollably and my ability to walk diminished greatly. I needed help doing anything upright. Then it happened, severe pain. I mean crying pain. I could no longer get up or down unassisted. My shaking was non stop, myoclonic jerks became full body. I was admitted to the hospital overnight, they had no idea what was wrong. They suggested Duke or wait it out. Well, Duke was never my top 5 choice for a diagnostic facility. As I stated in a post some time back Mayo was always my top go to and I should have done it way back in 2006. So, I waxed and waned. Saw many doctors of many disciplines. Many tests later, I had elevated protein in my CSF and lymphocytes in places they did not belong. That result came from a muscle and nerve biopsy. My blood work started trending, wbc and rbc inconsistencies. The disease continues to flare off and on, I was even in a wheelchair for a week or 2. My newest symptoms are sores on my body that ooze/bleed and do not heal. Giant knots on my finger joints and worsening eye issues.
So there it is a very brief run down of the past year of my life as sick man. More to come folks.... stay tuned.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Friends and Ancestors
* Let us take the 2nd one first, ancestors. I just returned from a friendly voyage to Cherokee,NC. It was a field trip/ vacation with my family before I go to Mayo. My family tree has a good bit of Cherokee in it, it just happens to be the side I dislike. HAHA! I found it so interesting seeing and watching the people teach, dance,and work with the old tools. I urge anyone of any ethnicity to go see this beautiful place. It made me want to look into my Cherokee heritage and discover which clan I belong. I wish we still lived the ways of the pioneers. However, in my condition I would be picked off by a bear while my tribal friends escaped to dance a dance for me. My Facebook page contains the dance to which I am referring.
* Friends..... what does that word mean to you? To me I see peoples faces when I define friends. My wife,Amelia, even though she criticizes my blog and the way I write it. She has stood by me throughout this disease. Donna, the woman who was there for me at work more than anyone else. My preceptor,teacher,spiritual adviser...friend. Kim and Jamie, they organized PTO donation and money donation for me after I got sick. Both showed me the ropes at the Children's hospital and both remain friends. Justin, who just today said he would make sure my vent was managed properly should something require him to, you know neurological diseases can have influence on respiratory muscles. James, my red head little brother. We are of no relation but I see much of me in him. Picked from the same tree I guess, his branch was just lower than mine.HAHA! Our crude texts and jabs are sometimes just what I needed. I have many others that could be placed here but these just popped out at me today. Sometimes a friend is not even someone you know very well, they can be strangers. By that I mean anyone can make you feel loved and put a smile on your face. Friend.
I changed the font color. Amelia said the other color hurt her eyes. Let me know if this is any better?
* Friends..... what does that word mean to you? To me I see peoples faces when I define friends. My wife,Amelia, even though she criticizes my blog and the way I write it. She has stood by me throughout this disease. Donna, the woman who was there for me at work more than anyone else. My preceptor,teacher,spiritual adviser...friend. Kim and Jamie, they organized PTO donation and money donation for me after I got sick. Both showed me the ropes at the Children's hospital and both remain friends. Justin, who just today said he would make sure my vent was managed properly should something require him to, you know neurological diseases can have influence on respiratory muscles. James, my red head little brother. We are of no relation but I see much of me in him. Picked from the same tree I guess, his branch was just lower than mine.HAHA! Our crude texts and jabs are sometimes just what I needed. I have many others that could be placed here but these just popped out at me today. Sometimes a friend is not even someone you know very well, they can be strangers. By that I mean anyone can make you feel loved and put a smile on your face. Friend.
I changed the font color. Amelia said the other color hurt her eyes. Let me know if this is any better?
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Have you ever been blind?
In 2006 I was legally blind in my left eye. That was the beginning of my disease process. Over a 2 week period I went from 20/20 with glasses to 20/300 with glasses. That just sucked! In those first few days when I was blind I spent every minute taking in all sights I could. Well that is while I was not in a doctor office. During this process I argued and manage to piss off the entire MD staff of a Medical School.... hint... starts with Wake. =)
At that point I was going to go to a MAJOR medical program not some pseudo wanna be in NC. My primary eye physician gave me major steroids. 100mg p.o. daily for 4 months. I then weaned to 0 over the next 2 months. My vision corrected but certain anomalies stayed. These are to medical profound to go into here but my vision has never been "normal". Over the next many years I had recurring bouts of "optic neuritis", some required steroids while some just went away. During this time of my life I began to think I may have an autoimmune disease. This is the case today, I am battling an autoimmune disorder/disease. My current stable of doctors say optic neuritis is too simple of a diagnosis. In 2 weeks I head to Minnesota to the Mayo Clinic. I should have done this 6 years ago but my mind and pride would not let me. Perhaps it was fear and not pride, I am full of fear concerning this upcoming pilgrimage. I am full of what ifs. Scared am I, a 6 foot 200lb man afraid of a trip that most possibly will give me much needed answers. My loving wife says to stay positive and not let the negative thoughts cloud my brain. I say, easier said than done.
At that point I was going to go to a MAJOR medical program not some pseudo wanna be in NC. My primary eye physician gave me major steroids. 100mg p.o. daily for 4 months. I then weaned to 0 over the next 2 months. My vision corrected but certain anomalies stayed. These are to medical profound to go into here but my vision has never been "normal". Over the next many years I had recurring bouts of "optic neuritis", some required steroids while some just went away. During this time of my life I began to think I may have an autoimmune disease. This is the case today, I am battling an autoimmune disorder/disease. My current stable of doctors say optic neuritis is too simple of a diagnosis. In 2 weeks I head to Minnesota to the Mayo Clinic. I should have done this 6 years ago but my mind and pride would not let me. Perhaps it was fear and not pride, I am full of fear concerning this upcoming pilgrimage. I am full of what ifs. Scared am I, a 6 foot 200lb man afraid of a trip that most possibly will give me much needed answers. My loving wife says to stay positive and not let the negative thoughts cloud my brain. I say, easier said than done.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Weekends and Low Pressure
* Oh the weekend, I used to love them. Now they just blend with the rest. This maybe part of me that misses work the most, weekends meaning something. I would do days upon days of shifts at the hospital just to have like 5 days off in a row. Those days flew by and by the last night I was either ready for work or wishing I had more time. Now, all I have is time. In the words of Monk, it's a blessing and a curse. To get this time I had to become sick and everyday brings a different feeling. My medications keep me even most of the time but when they do not,WOW! Pain and more pain. So in a way I am still just getting segments of family time, but instead of work interrupting it is disease. The biggest plus I see from this is getting to see and experience my daughter growing and learning. That my friends is the hard part, keeping a positive attitude. I could so easily sit depressed and think of ways to end this misery. While these thoughts creep in from time to time, I combat it with the WORD of God and my family. While you reading my not believe I urge you to read the bible or find something positive to insert into your life to ease the depression associated with any disabling disease.
* I used to love weather changes. Rain coming in, wind ushering in winter, or just a slight drop in temperatures. I still love them but my arthritic joints hate it. The first 36 hours are the worst. After that I assimilate to the new injection of stiffness and pain. I just hope as winter inches closer that the weather makes it worth the discomfort. Imagine beautiful fall color slowing fading to the grey dullness of early winter and snowy days with chimneys bellowing that awesome smell of true winter. My luck, it'll rain the next 3 weeks. Rip all the leaves away and then be like 55 degrees all winter. Total dud!
* I used to love weather changes. Rain coming in, wind ushering in winter, or just a slight drop in temperatures. I still love them but my arthritic joints hate it. The first 36 hours are the worst. After that I assimilate to the new injection of stiffness and pain. I just hope as winter inches closer that the weather makes it worth the discomfort. Imagine beautiful fall color slowing fading to the grey dullness of early winter and snowy days with chimneys bellowing that awesome smell of true winter. My luck, it'll rain the next 3 weeks. Rip all the leaves away and then be like 55 degrees all winter. Total dud!
Friday, September 28, 2012
A quick beginning
Hello friend. I am just starting this, so many changes will come as I grow more accustom to this blogging thing. I am creating this for a few reasons. Mainly to vent and in hopes that my venting will help others deal with their disabilities.
Over the, well however long it takes, I will spill the beans. I intend to talk about my disease to help me cope. My life was turned upside down and I hope this resets my compass. If this coping teaches anyone else anything then it will almost be like I'm back in the ICU saving lives.
Until next time......
Over the, well however long it takes, I will spill the beans. I intend to talk about my disease to help me cope. My life was turned upside down and I hope this resets my compass. If this coping teaches anyone else anything then it will almost be like I'm back in the ICU saving lives.
Until next time......
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