SISTER

What is a sister? To most it is an open and shut case. A female sibling born of same parents as you. I had that, not for long.  My sister was born March 1985. She died April 1985. I was a young thing but it is my first memory. I am sad to this day about it. What could have been and should have been. One day God will tell me why He took her way too soon and why my maternal family has been made to suffer through this autoimmune disease junk. This death basically ruined my family. It threw both my parents into a deep depression that I am certain they still fight to this day. It also had a great factor in the destruction of the marriage some 15 years later. They fought and bickered the next 15 years after the death. I think its because they reminded each other of what had happened and they hurt. They hurt for many reasons, from what I can calculate, the 2 did not help the other cope with the loss. I am not sure my father has even coped to this day. His dad had died just the previous October.  This bickering has made me paranoid. They fought like cats and dogs but I never knew, well knew the extent. I was 19 when the divorce came. I turned into a drunk with no direction. How I found my way is another blog. =) I find myself looking funny at my wife when she talks in hushed tones with people. Same thing when she reads stuff on the computer or phone and makes hmm sounds. I'm afraid she is holding back on me. She has in the past, mainly about my disease. She doesn't want to burden me with more pressure and worry. That is noble but just causes me more worry. I'm a weirdo. All this can be traced back to my sister and her untimely passing. 

In November 1985 my other sister was born. I did not know her or her family but she was here. I met her in 2002 or so. I do not believe in reincarnation or that hippy stuff but perhaps some of my real sister resides with Rachel. Maybe I just want to think that because it makes me feel better. I treat Rachel like my real sister. I am protective and mean to her. That is what big brothers do! I once chased her around the apartment with a dead goldfish. Ahh good times! I also offered to go and beat some dude into oblivion for her. Big brother stuff, you dig. My mother know Rachel and so does my father. My mother  sees and knows of my feeling toward Rachel. Good old dad, who knows, who cares? Rachel by definition is my sister in law. It may have been that way for a little bit before I married Amelia. It did not last. Amelia says Rachel is her best friend and worst enemy. Most siblings feel that way. So Rachel was thrust unto me and I adopted her as my sis. She has lived with us many times and many years. I hated it and loved it. Sibling love is weird. You want to say we are just sister and brother or in-laws and toss them out. Then you look at the hurt they suffer and want to heal it or at least give them a band aide. Would Jackie be anything like Rachel? Who knows? God knows, but no one else. Maybe one day my mom and I will know. Maybe Jackie will say I have helped Rachel be close to you because I know you needed it. This is the first time I have shed a tear will blogging. I leave you with 2 bible verses. Love and kindness, Ben

Proverbs 7:4 - Say unto wisdom, Thou [art] my sister; and call understanding [thy] kinswoman:

1 Timothy 5:8 - But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel